Another eventful day...

I know something is wrong with me, but just don't know where .... Was it some questions unanswered of the spiritual nature? Was it some physical condition that causes these pre-depression feeling? Was it emotional disturbance? Was it physiological condition? Was it some physical/emotional desires that are not met? The last thing I want to do is to confused myself and address the symptoms rather than the cause.

Whatever, I do hope that comes tomorrow things should start to look better as I will be driving home to Johor to have a well deserved rest. Away from work, from people over here, from the church, from the cell and from people who have certain expectations from you.

The day starts in an eventful manner when I attempted to withdraw money from the Maybank ATM. Guess what, the machine due to some mechanical fault fail to eject my ATM card. So me standing there, no money, a nearly empty petrol tank and without my ATM card. Sigh, got to drive to office and borrow from my colleague. Once in the office, I notice one thing, I forgot my laptop! Well, another drive back to where I stay, and I was lucky that the traffic condition is perfect! As the Good book said, In all situation, whether good or bad - Praise God!

Come afternoon, I went to the said bank to attempt to collect my card from the Bank staff. To cut the story short, I was given a summon for parking indiscriminately. Well, I deserved it of course, what else can I say? There goes another RM70. But then again, where can one park in Puchong Jaya? That place is seriously jammed packed!

Somehow, I think there will be more things that will happen. Maybe I should say a prayer to prepare myself. God is indeed testing my patience and the way I respond to things that happen to me...sigh....

Working Condition

Have been busy lately. No time to have proper rest, no time to read, no time to relax and no time to write. Many things to blog about, but just no time to do so and not in the right mood either. I wonder why? But as I see that there have been fewer and fewer readers to my blog, I think I better to something about it....whoa haha...

The first to go is the adult site warning, while the second is the sticky post. Some people just see the latest post and assume that I am not updating....But then again, I am indeed not updating...lol!!!

Anyway, below are some picture I took while we're working for some water treatment project in a factory in Kinrara. The working condition was not good and the working hour is long, and extend to weekends. The boss is barking like a dog whenever he is here and we are terribly demoralised. But one thing good about it is that as the gap increases between the employed and the employer, the camaderie between the employed strenghtens... at least now we have something common....whoa hahaa......

Sorry folks! I am back...(shiok sendiri...as if I have many readers)

Sigh... Have not been updating my blog for so long. I have always believe, the moment I start blogging, I am basically back to normal - emotionally and mentally that is. Many things had happened to me, my gf and my family during these difficult 2 months. It was indeed an eventful period of my life, where there were plenty of tears, laughter, heartache, emotional roller coaster and at the same time gladness.

I am glad that I started blogging again. At the very least, I could write in my blog what I do not wish to mention to others. It is through my blog where I could write, discuss, criticise and rant without any sort of restrictions whatsoever. I find this extremely therapeutic. It helps me to arrange my line of thoughts in a better way, and allow me to see things in a more objective manner. Yes, yes, I know some of you would like to suggest me to pray instead of write. But come on, can't I write first before I pray? Sometimes my mind is so mess up that I don't even know how to begin praying. And even when I pray, by the time I say Amen!, I would have forgotten some of the things which I have prayed during the minute long prayer!

Previously, I have always forwarded my blog address to cell members and friends and I think that was a grave grave mistake. Hopefully, most of them would have now forgotten about me having a blog.

But if you know me personally and you are reading my blog, please respect my privacy and treat me as KaKiaYam. You are still welcome to comment, but I don't expect you to spread what I am writing here to others. You can engage me and have arguments, but all these must only take place in this blog and not outside of it. Unless I am the one who start talking about it. If you are not alright with this arrangement, stop visiting my blog, start one of your own. I hope that does not sound arrogant, but I consider this the last bastion of my privacy, if you get what I mean.

Shit, even as I am writing this, I have already start regretting it. But like I said, this is a place where I think and write ALOUD. I may be sorry for what I have said, but I would not regret it. Can someone regret about what he said or did? What's the point and purpose of regretting anyway?.... as if things would be different. I would rather be sorry than to regret of things past.

So make your decision. What you read may probably be UNpleasant but it is at least an honest view of things. My point of view, that is. Everyone is a hypocrite to a certain level, but I will try to be damn honest in this blog. The only problem is whether you can accept and accommodate that. If you find you cannot do so, then just stop visiting this blog. Don't even attempt to tolerate my writing, cause you will end up bursting and confront me of what I wrote.

Is this warning fair enough?

RM10,430 to go...

For the past 6 months, I was very convinced that I have less than a year of car installment to go. I don't know why I think that way. The total owed, up to date is more than RM10K and my monthly car installment is RM465. So that would mean that I need to pay for at least another 2 years before the whole thing ends. If that's the case, why have I been entertaining the thought that I have less than a year before it ends? When it finally dawn on me that 10430 / 465 = 22 months, I just can't accept the silly mathematical mistake that I have made...and obviously the fact that the end is still far away...

I used to think that I am good in simple calculation like these. A good indication will be that I often stroll around Tesco and analysing the difference between a 400gm Milo that cost RM3.45 and a 500gm(with free 50gm) that cost RM4.15. And to know which is the better deal, with all calculation done in my head...

During SPM time, getting A1 or A2 for Modern Maths is 'sap-sap-sui' (chicken feed) to me ......but ironically, I have never passed my Pure Maths. For such a person to take up engineering is suicidal. A complete waste of time and money. That is on top of the fact that I started my engineering studies 5 years after SPM. How I survived the Engineering course where Integration and Differentiation is in every semester and applied on many subjects... is another story for another time. Suffice to say that I got through with acceptable results that I am very proud of, and that my Integration is still as bad as before. But the period of study which forces us to do so many integrations and differentiations like in fourier analysis make me fall in love with calculus and it's applications. I wonder, can we love something and yet are so bad on it?

Do not underestimate the power of Bad Maths

Coming back to the subject, I guess, I am in real hurry to finish off my loan. Part of the reason was that the 2001 year Kelisa is falling apart. Tweaking sounds are coming from everywhere and just can't pinpoint the exact location. Both the left and right drive shaft, although recently replaced are still giving me click click sounds during full turning. The time is ripe for me to spend some money taking care of this baby of mine. The time is right, but the timing is not. Another reason for that eagerness is clearly written in my profile. A recent bookmark which I have given to Pontian Salted Fish when we were just beginning to date each other shockingly reminds me of the number of years that we have been together. The bookmark dated 8/10/1999. I knew the time we are together is long,..i just never thought it was that long...

The story of the Famili-tiri - Part 1

Once upon a time, there is a family. This family has a house in a nice place call Malaya. The family members include the father, mother and several sons and daughters. One fine day, the father brings back a woman and several children. This woman is the second wife. And this second wife happens to be of a different race. Needless to say, the man's first wife was not happy, in fact she is downright angry and frustrated having to share the same house and husband with another woman. Nevertheless, they continue to live together in the whole big house. The father, in trying to be fair to the first wife, gave 'special preference' to the first wife and her sons and daughters. It is understood that the first wife offspring are less educated, less bright and less inclined to be successful in their life due to their upbringing in a village. It is also known that the second wife, having come from a city are aggressive, wealthier and has a tendency to be more successful and educated.

Time flies, and the family grows. From a simple 10 members in the family to 100 members in 10 years time and reaches 1000 members in 50 years time. Over these period of time, the members of the family play and eat together in the same house. They have their differences, they have different religion, but there is harmony and compromise when face with issues or arguments. The patriarch of the family died many years back, and most of these 1000 members of the same family sometimes don't even know how they are related. You can't blame them, the young ones are already in their 3rd to 4th generations. All they know is that they are from the same family that breath the same air, eat the same food, share many common interest and share a common history for the past 50 years. In fact the same old house that is used by the first generation is now used as a common hall for the whole extended family! Although they are not staying in the same house, they are very much a close knitted family that build their homes around the common hall.

Unfortunately, good things never last. Although the offspring of the second wife are very much part of the family, they were reminded again and again that they are not part of the family by the radicals from the first wife family. They are constantly verbally threatened with expulsion to where the second wife came from. And the offspring of the first family will always insist that they are the owner of the house and they are the rightful heir of the land. Although they were given special right in education and business, these radicals among the first family always search for more ways to grab back what is 'rightfully' theirs. They conveniently forget, these special privileges are meant to assist them to be successful but not to be used as a tool to ensure they would not fail in life. They forget that the support was meant to encourage them to be able to stand by themselves, and not something to be hold on to forever. Throughout these 50 years, instead of learning on how to use the special privileges to aid themselves, they have learned on how rely on these privileges. Human mind rarely satisfies, and will covet more when given the opportunity.

Offspring from the second wife feel sad that they are treated as anak tiri. Even some of the offspring from the first wife feel weird when told by the radicals, that the siblings which they have played with and eat with since they were born were not of the same stock. That they are different and that they took away a huge part of what should rightfully be theirs. As these first wife offspring grows up, they are made to believe that they inherited the whole house and these frens which they used to play with are just visitors which are allowed to make money and make a living. They are made to understand that their grand grand grand mother was gracious enough to allow the second wife to 'join' in the family. That these siblings-tiri are different, in culture, religion and morality.

The offspring from the second wife, meanwhile, feels betrayed, sad and confused why they are labelled this way. Didn't they help build the jamban near the river? Didn't they join in the night patrols when there is communist threat? Didn't they win honours in sports for the country?

The second wife child are getting more puzzled by the day as there are more quotas in education, in jobs and business opportunities. They love the house, but they wonder, why can't the house love them? Why?

Thanks for your COMPLIMENTS!!

Overly serious, too few photos, too little 'interesting' topic, too critical - these are the 'compliments' I receive from people around me. They would prefer me to put up more nice/interesting/wierd photos, discuss on nice place/food and write less on politics, social issues and religion.

Some are surprised that I am so bothered with the social situation in our country, some ask why am I so critical of others. emm...yea...i have to admit the topics which I blogs on are more on these issues. Maybe you guys are right, I should write more pleasant things, more cute photos and perhaps some updates on sales and promotion, latest movies ...anything that is not confrontational, not depressing, ... . . . . just nice.

Will try, but I will not stop myself to blog on issues which I feel extremely passionate of. Of course I would like to have more readers, but that's not my main priority. Here's a reward to those who have been complimenting me on my blog!!!! Click here!

Genting HighlyPolluted-land?

It's funny that for the past 7 or 8 years studying and then working in Selangor, I have never been to Genting Highland. In fact, I have never been to anywhere. I have only been there once, when I was a child at the tender age of 2 or 3. I have heard many tales from friends about Genting but never have I attempted a trip there. I wonder was it due to lack of budget or just plain laziness...?

Nevertheless, on the last day of 2006, we drove..... aimlessly. Initially, I had wanted to locate Templer's park, not to picnic, but just to venture on that particular road and hopefully be able to enjoy some lush grennery. Unsure on the correct route, we exited at the Batu Caves and proceed towards Ulu Yam. We reached there soon after and were glad to pass through a huge pond(dam?) and some nice country road. Soon after, we passed through Ulu Yam and we feel so comfortable seeing all the village houses and people. Personally, I prefer slow pace village life.

We continue to drive on until we reach Batang Kali. We intend to turn back and have our dinner at Ulu Yam but were surprised to see a sign stating -> Genting Highland 23km

We then thought...why not? Up we go and it wasn't that difficult a route. It was pretty hazy up there and we wind down our window occasionally to enjoy the fresh air outside.

We didn't spend too long a time at Genting itself as it was packed with peoples. My overall impression of Genting is simple - Dirty and the air smells Polluted
This was no exaggeration, everywhere we go, we smell cigarette smoke even in the open air area. And we notice that the whole place is in urgent need of a thorough cleaning. It's pretty obvious things over there are not well maintain(if ever). Compare Genting with Puduraya, I will say Puduraya fares better!

I guess I will need a real good reason to ever visit Genting again. But then again, we were gladly surprised that parkings over there are free...!

Lazy bum bum?

Gosh, been a month since I last update this. Life has been very busy lately, rushing for the completion of a project, but it's wrapping up soon. In total, I have passed the project deadline by 3 weeks. My boss has been very unhappy about this, he stated that the project is a loss as he expected me to complete the project within a month.

Well, I tried not to be affected by his remarks....i shouldn't be. It is he who came out with the highly unrealistic time frame and it is he who quoted that amount to the customer. So who's error is this? He knows the level of complexity of the project and he knows that the project is something which both of us, even as experience engineers, has never undertaken before. So with all these unknown variables, he still proceed to underquote and underestimate the timeline?

I guess, that's the problem when you're working in a small company that are not financially sound. The bosses will grab any project that comes along, regardless of it's insane low margin coupled with a highly unrealistic timeframe. I don't mind working hard for the company, but do show some appreciation on their part by not blaming me for the late handover. I have been taking all that is being thrown to me, without complaining. I started work at 8.30 and only go home at around 7.30. Back home I continue to slog for another 2 hours before sleep. To me, I have done my part. Right now, 2 more projects will be coming in, all within a month. All these are extremely low margin project with tight deadline, projects that others are not willing to do. To me, it's really bad marketing and management planning.

It's like hiring of an engineer to do an operator job. This means the engineer will have to do 3 times faster than a normal operator to at least cover his own engineer salary. Now, whose problem is that?

There won't be any review of salary after recent confirmation and that means they seriously underpaid me, yet expects me to treat the company like my one and only home?

The way I see it, the company will be in deep shit by early next year when there are no projects coming in. As for me, I will continue to work hard, not ridiculously hard. There should be a balance between private life and working life. But at the same time, JobStreet...here I come again!!!

Note : I am not a job hopper, and I don't shy away from work challenges. But if you think I am just another lazy bum-bum wanting to do the least and yet with a big fat salary, then write me! Perhaps I will learn a thing or two...

Where is the light at the tunnel ?

I have wrote a little about my job before. Now, I wanted to write a little bit more about my company. Things have not been going that well it seems. From the admin cum hr cum accounts cum receptionist colleague of mine, it seems that the amount of money available are not enough for next month salary. Now I was kind of prepared that this may happen in this small company of mine, I just never expected it to happen this soon.

And now, everyone is basically waiting for me to complete my piece of project so as to collect that little payment from another company. This means, I am under tremendous pressure to complete the project so that the company will live . . . . for another month?

Should I start activating my JobStreet again? I guess I should. All this that has happen really starts me thinking if I ever be able to find a company that I can grow with, a company that does not have to constantly struggles for its daily bread and butter.

My work experience

During interviews employers almost, always remark that I have never stayed at a job for more than 3 years. Now, I can truthfully answer to that question, but usually I don't. The fact is, the electronics design and development industry (D&D) in Selangor (or M'sia?) is never a thriving industry. The manufacturers here does not have the correct mentality when they decided to invest into D&D. They usually initiate or start a D&D arm for the wrong reason and with unrealistic expectations. Most of them have plenty of lofty ideas but at the same time unwilling to invest both time and money. Quite a number, especially those that are connected politically, applied for goverment grant as a means of cheating the gov money. Millions of these grant money are wasted by these GLC's for absolutely nothing. I know, cause I have, unwillingly, been part of such a company before. Imagine, the first 'Made in malaysia microcontroller' is actually made by both a singapore and indian company. Most organisations establishes these so called msc subsidiary as a means of tax evasion. No wonder, MSC is a failure.

My second company main reason to have a D&D was to get itself listed on the market. After 2 years of lack lustre performance and failed listing, down scaled and offered me a post in production instead.

And now my third company, which I have worked for less than 6 months.

I guess, people just overrated the market in Malaysia. Small scale D&D, yes. Some door access product, some house or car alarm are most probably the part time work of a daytime engineer.

but if you talk about D&D house, well, they usually starts with a bang and begins its exponential downslide a year or two later......it's just so typical!!!!!

I am seriously thinking of changing industry. I don't ask for much, just a stable job and income, and hopefully be able to get married within the next 2 years. Is that too much to ask for? Perhaps, if the world doesn't change, I will . . . .

Write me, if you have the time. I need some consolation here. . . . . badly. . .

words of encouragement will be welcome too. . .

A consistently paralysing Day-Dreamer

Pardon me for the stupid phrase. :P

Wanted to write something about the response of Muslims to the Pope statements. But what purpose will it serve? Besides, what enlightening comments can I provide when I have difficulty understanding more than half of the speech? A voice reminds me...

" You are not there yet..(and may never be)... so stop dreaming that you can think and write critically! Don't act smart, OK! ..."

ha ha...I have always know that I am a consistent paralysing day-dreamer... (i just can't stop myself day dreaming of being someone or doing something that I am not!)

Having said that, in my personal opinion, I strongly feel that the Pope speech was not meant to condemn Islam. The main focus of the speech is definately not that. But still many people choose NOT to see the obvious...and in the spirit of Malaysia Boleh, one of our local bloggers actually provided an 'intellectual discource' here...

My vocab is limited, what does 'intellectual discourse' means? intellectual i know lar...but what is discourse? A check on my dic shows this -
discourse- formal and orderly and usually extended expression of thought on a subject
Anyway...my conclusion to this 'intellectual discourse' by this foul mouth blogger is simple - a terrible waste of time. It's obvious that no attempt is made to analyse the entire speech. The whole 'intellectual discourse' only centers around the offending words and justifying his own religion.

Reading the comments of these religious radicals and extremist (as do racist and apportunistic politician..) somehow sends a strong reminder to me that I am sinfully wasting my time and should instead try to avail myself in doing God's work.

Anyway, some informative link and some good arguments -

Link 1 - Full text speech of Pope Benedict
Link 2
Link 3
Link 4

More Links
Link 5 - How we should respond

Why can't I love my job?

Writing during office hour. Not a good marketplace witness at all. Have not been productive for quite some time now. Seriously undermotivated. Don't think that I am in the wrong industry, but I do seriously doubt that I am in the correct line. I am a design and development engineer, the type that requires me to sit in front of the pc, drawing pcb(electronic boards) and writing codes. I am all alone in the second floor of a shop lot in Puchong. The only person that accompanies me is the receptionist cum admin colleague. She is at the main entrance section while I am at the back. Out of boredom, we can chat a lot, from Siti Nurhaliza, to Daniel, and Natasha, her two children. Sometimes we talk about religion too, I ask her view on Lina Joy as a muslim and I shared with her on what little I know about Christianity. This sharing is done with very little argument and with full respect of each other religion. It's good that at the end of the conversation, we get to know each other religion much better. Instead of referring to my God and your God, she now knows that we are referring to the same God. And I also get to know that one major aspect of Christianity that Muslim find it difficult to accept is the concept of Trinity.

Do I love my job? Well, I don't know...! I would really want to get involve into making some useful products that would benefit the society and I am very sure that I would give my 100% in doing it. But the industry ( or maybe my luck ) is such that the company I join are not focused on any such things. Either they are concentrating on making some very 'canggih' stuff which cost a bomb (and at the same time makes very little difference to our lives) or that they are too profit oriented. The first company I joined actually makes use of its R&D subsidiary to cheat the government of grant money. Never delivered the end product, but yet managed to get 70 percent of its grant money(in millions). The irony of it is that half of the real R&D work is sub contracted out to India and Singapore! :) One of the grant even have the title – “The First Made In Malaysia 8 bit Micro Controller” ha ha ha...

But having said all these, I somehow believe this feeling (or situation) of not being useful must have resulted from my own attitude of laziness and lacking of initiative. My sister once commented that I have an attitude like an artist, never consistent in life, plain lazy most of the time, but can have a sudden burst of energy and drive for no particular reason...ha ha...My life is like a non-symmetrical sine wave where most of the time is spend below the y=0 line, but have the occasional periodic exponential rise and follow by a ….. what else,… exponential fall....
Anyway, have some serious development in my life which I wanted to update my Brother and Sisters in Christ ...later...