Thursday, September 07, 2006

Why can't I love my job?

Writing during office hour. Not a good marketplace witness at all. Have not been productive for quite some time now. Seriously undermotivated. Don't think that I am in the wrong industry, but I do seriously doubt that I am in the correct line. I am a design and development engineer, the type that requires me to sit in front of the pc, drawing pcb(electronic boards) and writing codes. I am all alone in the second floor of a shop lot in Puchong. The only person that accompanies me is the receptionist cum admin colleague. She is at the main entrance section while I am at the back. Out of boredom, we can chat a lot, from Siti Nurhaliza, to Daniel, and Natasha, her two children. Sometimes we talk about religion too, I ask her view on Lina Joy as a muslim and I shared with her on what little I know about Christianity. This sharing is done with very little argument and with full respect of each other religion. It's good that at the end of the conversation, we get to know each other religion much better. Instead of referring to my God and your God, she now knows that we are referring to the same God. And I also get to know that one major aspect of Christianity that Muslim find it difficult to accept is the concept of Trinity.

Do I love my job? Well, I don't know...! I would really want to get involve into making some useful products that would benefit the society and I am very sure that I would give my 100% in doing it. But the industry ( or maybe my luck ) is such that the company I join are not focused on any such things. Either they are concentrating on making some very 'canggih' stuff which cost a bomb (and at the same time makes very little difference to our lives) or that they are too profit oriented. The first company I joined actually makes use of its R&D subsidiary to cheat the government of grant money. Never delivered the end product, but yet managed to get 70 percent of its grant money(in millions). The irony of it is that half of the real R&D work is sub contracted out to India and Singapore! :) One of the grant even have the title – “The First Made In Malaysia 8 bit Micro Controller” ha ha ha...

But having said all these, I somehow believe this feeling (or situation) of not being useful must have resulted from my own attitude of laziness and lacking of initiative. My sister once commented that I have an attitude like an artist, never consistent in life, plain lazy most of the time, but can have a sudden burst of energy and drive for no particular reason...ha ha...My life is like a non-symmetrical sine wave where most of the time is spend below the y=0 line, but have the occasional periodic exponential rise and follow by a ….. what else,… exponential fall....
Anyway, have some serious development in my life which I wanted to update my Brother and Sisters in Christ ...later...

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