Weak faith

Not that I wanted to declare it aloud, but my faith is weak.

Many a times I rely on my own limited wisdom, instead of reminding myself that my Lord is the sovereign God that oversees all.

Many a times I gave in to temptations, instead of reminding myself not to sin against God.

And when I sin, I drift further away from the Lord. Facing my Creator is a terrible thing to do when the sins are still fresh in my mind. And when I pray and ask for forgiveness, I feel ashamed and dirty. I want to hide. I do not want to see anything that reminds me of God. And for those that I have sins against, I do not want them to know that I am a Christ follower.

I believe every sincere follower of Christ struggles in similar ways too.

Sometimes, when a certain friend asks me -

What's so good to be a Christian?
I wonder if I should answer him....
There's nothing good and plenty of struggles..struggles to live up to God's expectation and ...to face the frequent failures and dissapointment when we stumble now and then...

Perhaps he will then ask me -
If that's the case why be a Christian at all? You are making things difficult yourself!
True, very true. But we believe this is a journey that we must undertake. To accept Jesus Christ as our Lord is in some way accepting that we are to take this journey of struggles and constant dissappointment....which can make us a very depressing person ...

But we know that we are not alone and that itself is tremendous Joy. The fact that we are not alone gives us the courage to face our own limitations, worries and dissapointment. The fact that we are not alone help us to face tommorow.

I ask for forgiveness in my prayer, but I do not know if I will be forgiven. But I do know, God would want me to continue this journey, God will be there when I stumble the next time and God will be my shelter. God know each and every of my struggle and He wants to help me to overcome them. He wants us to be victorious in our life.

Yes Lord, I want to be victorious, in Your name.

Amen